2018.

Time to turn over a new leaf.

2017 was a year of ups and downs. It was a tough one on my heart. Not what I would call balanced. This is always an uncomfortable place to find myself.

As much as I’d like to be The Cat in Hat and say …

“Look at me now!” said the dad.

“With a kid and a cat

On top of my hat!

I wish I had two jobs!

But then I’d need two Robs!

I want a girl who thinks I’m cool!

I can take my son to school!

And look!

I can hop up and down on the ball!

I will not fall …

Whump. Bump. Thump.

Sure … as we get on in years this balance can prove to be elusive because we simply have more shit to balance. But, as Yoda might say, strive for balance I must.

As I seek this balance, here are some thoughts that I’ll be expanding on in the coming months …

1. Be ready. Think like a doomsday prepper. I’m not saying to stock up on unlubricated condoms, dog collars and freeze-dried Beef Bourguignon (although having a serious emergency kit in the car is a pretty good idea). I’m talking about emotionally ready. What’s in your emotional survival kit? Mine was pretty neglected and filled with busted tools. Loads of ways to stock up … write, practice gratitude, pray, meditate, exercise, pick up an instrument. Get rid of the old crap in that kit to create space for what WILL be. Never know when all that you’ve ever wanted walks across the room to say hello. Good luck if your survival kit is filled with tools past their due date. 
2. Love, risk, fail and learn. Fuel resilience. I’m scared shitless of posting this and what may come because of it. I’ll trust the process. In this process I’ll learn to trust myself again.
3. Cry … just allow yourself to cry. As men we cry when all is lost. We let it in when it’s too late. Cry for gutting it out and trudging through life. Cry for what needed to be done. Cry for what could have been. Cry like you fucking mean it (not at work though, that can be awkward. Trust me). To cry is let to everything in so you can let it out. There is nothing wrong with this. So cry and maybe, just maybe … this act will keep the loss at bay.
4. Stop at crosswalks and just let people cross the street. It seems so insignificant but the truth is you helped them get to their destination safely. Such a simple win for the day.
5. Listen. Listening isn’t passive. It is action. Listen with your ears (duh), listen with your eyes, listen with your gut. Mostly listen with your heart. This gives us all the clues needed to unlock theirs. In turn, it will begin to unlock our own. I really wish I had listened more in 2017.
6. Speaking of listen … listen, shit is going to get uncomfortable occasionally. We have two choices … turn away or turn in. Too often in the past I chose to turn away. Now I’m going to turn in and say something ……… I wish I told you how scared I was. When all you asked for was honesty I kept quiet. This silence can be worse than a lie. I see a beauty in you that runs so deep and so strong that it often overwhelmed me. I was scared of not being good enough. This is shame welling up from inside. A darkness that shadowed my light. By staying silent I had made my decision. By turning away from myself I also turned away from that which I loved. What a stupidly poor decision and selfish act this was. I wish I gave you more choices. By turning away I took away the possibility of more. For this, I am deeply, deeply sorry. I don’t know if this would have made a difference for us or not. A lesson I’ll endeavour to make sure never happens again.
7. Worth. Lay this down and stop the search. The moment I stop trying to prove is the moment I learn to receive (see all of the above 😃 … except maybe #4).
8. To the fathers out there, hold your little boys hand. Tuck them into bed and kiss them goodnight. Let our boys know that it’s ok to touch and feel as men. One day this will go away. Don’t miss it.
9. Do not isolate. Go out with friends. Go to the bar and have a drink. Join a book or running club. Go to the gym or yoga or whatever. Just go … go and find your crew. Isolation stunts emotional vocabulary. Connection promotes this vocabulary. This vocabulary is desperately needed.
10. Don’t say negative shit about your ex or spouse in front of the kids. A parent/child relationship is sacred. At one point you made music together and this took the shape of your children. Respect this. Keep your opinions to yourself so they can form their own.
11. The most important life is my own. This life within me. It is the only thing that is mine from beginning to end and the only thing I can truly know. I imagine that, even at the end, I won’t understand what it’s all about. It’s the journey that’s important because our destinations are constantly evolving and changing. I’m not sure we ever really get “there”. So, let’s explore this thing called life together. Teach our children how precious and special they are by simply being here with us. We are all miracles. I know to some of you this sounds really hokey, but it’s true. What are you going to do with your miracle?

Be ready for 2018. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Move into it. Strive for balance. Without balance we will stay close to the ground. With balance we can climb. With tremendous balance we can climb to tremendous heights.

Turn over a new leaf …

Thanks for reading.

Peace,

Rob